A Husband's Journey to Buying Lingerie.  

I asked my wife what she would like for her birthday. To my utter amazement she wanted sexy lingerie. This was a result for a number of reasons, firstly, not only did I imaging a night of sheer unadulterated passion lay ahead but secondly, I've owned three online lingerie stores for a number of years so this year, her birthday wish list wasn't going to mean the staff waiting for wages as previous years had.

Nothing could be easier. Going to pick a slinky-little-off-shoulder-number from the stock shelves would be easy. No.

As any man will admit, a woman buys your clothes, no problem. In the wardrobe and drawers they sit waiting for the garments turn to be displayed to the world until that night, when they're cast to the floor and happily stepped over or trodden on until she picks them up to begin the pleasant cycle of washing basket, machine, dryer, drawer. Everyone's happy. Well, she enjoys making the colourful comments relating to you not putting the washing in the basket. But try choosing an item of clothing for your wife. Easy? Definitely not. This is where we happily give up the macho image and cower at the thought of what may just happen if it's the slightest thing wrong.

Do I get the size 10? Surely safe with that one. I easily plan my responses. 'It can't be too small. You're never a size 16. Well, I'll be... I would've said a size 10, 12 max...' That should be safe and night of passion safely secured. Oh no.

I hear 'The only reason you got this is because it was discontinued or you got a job lot cheap.' Or 'This is little more than a net curtain for a dolls house.'

I know. I'll be subtle and play it safe. The size 16 baby doll and wrap. A top seller and a sure fire winner. That is....until I picture it hanging from her size 14 body. Can't any man just guarantee that the year-of-a-thousand-diets has finally worked and she's dropped a dress size? And being a man with these built in senses for instant changes concerning your wife's body shape would have surely noticed that small detail. Not.

Aha, the one size fits all. What can go wrong with that - except they all come in what seems two hundred colours. No problem, I shall call upon the man's built in sense of knowing his wife's favourite colour. Now where did I put that built-in sense? Why oh why in twenty years of marriage didn't I ever think to ask her what her favourite colour was?

Let me think logically. I'm a man. I can work this out. The kitchen's got cream walls. That's settled then. A nice off-white one size fits all knock 'em dead whey hey camisole. Wait a minute. Isn't the lounge that funny pinky red colour that she called terracotta something? Maybe I should go for a pink one size fits all open bra and briefs set with matching suspenders - do we do that in one size? There must be a cup size involved? What the hell is that I wonder? The bedroom. Blue. Can't go wrong. Everyone likes blue. We must have a blue one-size-fits-all something somewhere. Here we are, a nice blue Basque and briefs...Thinking about it, isn't the kitchen yellow. It's yellow, not cream, I remember now, how could I forget that....is the bedroom blue then? I've got an idea that it's cream now. What colour colour colour?

I'll ask one of the girls in the office what sexy lingerie number should I take from stock. Nope, I'll be accused of being up to no good with that question for a million reasons. Hell, they might even think I want to wear it myself. No way can I ask that then. That settles it. We're off to Spain.

About the Author

J. Smith is the owner of midnightgems and a number of other online stores specializing in adult pleasure toys, erotic lingerie and sexy clothing for all tastes. Why not pay the team a visit, they'd love to hear from you at http://www.midnightgems.co.uk